I know I am not alone in wondering what to do when you can’t shake of that feeling of being pissed at the world for no good reason: I haven’t felt like this for ages but today, nothing is good enough, everything irritates me and I know I am being pushed to say something meaningful about this experience and create something powerful out of it.
So as a way of focusing this energy into something productive I decided to take one of my own Oracle cards and write whatever guidance comes to me through the card.
Note I am not asking a question nor am I actually expecting an answer of any reasonable quality – this is merely a means to an end, a way to vent my emotions and be creative in the process; who knows what will turn up and how I will feel at the end of it – it can’t be any worse than I feel now (which is pretty murderous).
The word I chose was SORRY, which automatically pissed me off even more as like most people, I associate saying SORRY with having done something wrong, for having to make amends and being to blame. This in itself is a hangover from my childhood where a guilty conscience was the appropriate thing to wear to any occasion and to be without one was quite rude!
So here I am with my SORRY looming at me and I get to think about who I may need to say sorry to, and the first thing that pops up is, the Hopo’oponopono which I did a video about recently: the Hopo’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian traditional healing method which offers cleansing to the soul by simply repeating the following mantra:
“I am Sorry
Please Forgive Me
I Love You”
Breathing deeply and calmly, being fully present in the moment then repeating these deep and powerful words over and over will shift all old baggage, release deeply held trauma and make space for joy and wonder within the soul. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
When I look closely at the Keywords for the state of SORRY I see the first word is Responsibility. And I know that my first responsibility is to myself. I have 100% responsibility over my emotions and my reactions, to my thoughts and feelings as well as my words and deeds. In fact this first keyword is possibly all the reminder I need to take a few deep breaths, force a smile through my lips and do a few stretches to loosen up and let go a little.
But I shall continue, for the sake of this article if nothing else.
The next keyword is Remorse, and I am indeed remorseful that I am in a bad mood, for I know it is affecting my partner and he is worried about me – and at the same time terrified to mention anything in case I flip. Yes I have reputation for being a little volatile when cornered, and these mood swings back me right into my won corner without any help from anyone else.
The next word is Repair and as I said, I realise that some deep breathing and a few yoga stretches are possibly all I need to put myself right again. (Ironically writing at my PC in this way is actually adding to my physical discomfort as my set-up is not very ergonomic and generally gives me a real pain in the neck!)
So to the final word of Release, letting go, dropping the negative thoughts or habitual frown, gritted teeth shallow breathing as well as dropping all rage and ferocity that I may be carrying within me.
I think it is important to note here that I am not simply trying to ignore my feelings or shoo them away, but rather take steps to feel better so that if, indeed there is an actual problem which requires my attention, then I might be better prepared to deal with it.
It is vitally important that we actually take time to feel our feelings and listen to what our body is trying to tell us; so often a historic issue is triggered by a current situation and the body check in , realises that something has been left unhealed, an open wound or an unaccepted part of self still hurts, so the current experience pushes right on that old bruise, rips open that partially healed scar and drags up all those old feelings once again.
I would dare to say that 80% of our daily mood swings, temper tantrums or fights are actually the symptoms of old wounds calling out to be healed, and actually nothing at all to do with ‘the thing’ that just happened: (I mean come one, how many of you are constantly moaning about wet towels on the bathroom floor, or your kids messy bedrooms, when we all know that neither of those things is life threatening or actually even important, yet you feel so strongly about it because somewhere deep inside so strongly about it because somewhere deep inside YOU is a pain that wants to be heard, to be loved and to be accepted, and that towel, that bedroom , that abandoned plate of dried up egg on toast, in that moment, is a stab in the heart of your vulnerable yearning to be seen, heard, loved and appreciated)
So I am Sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you I love you, I say to myself and I relax into the deeply spiritual message of this word. This word is not for others after all, it is for us. For us to say and to feel and to know and share, yes to gift to others in order to share the peace that we ourselves have discovered within our heart, not, as we were taught, to pay a debt or score points over someone else, and not in order for them to gain the higher ground of superiority over us as flawed individuals, no, the deep meaning and effect of SORRY is for our heart and soul to heal and grow and shine it’s light, for that is the gift of A True Sorry.
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