BOUNDARIES IDENTITY CHOICE TRUTH
The first key word in our journey through the 7 words. so many of us get confused about BOUNDARIES. What are they? Where are they? Why do they matter? How would I know one if i tripped over it in a crowded room?
Lets start with an example of good boundaries:
Jane is a massage therapist. She offers sports massage to those with muscular issues, and those seeking deep tissue relief. She works on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays from her treatment rooms. She works from a Sports Centre on Friday. She charges £50 per session.
Jane is NOT a masseuse. She does not offer ‘extra’s’. She will NOT come to your home or ‘meet you for a drink’. She does NOT give treatments for free. She does NOT work on Saturday, Sunday or Monday.
Now you know exactly what Jane does, when and how much it will cost you? Now lets look at weak boundaries:
Lucy recently went to college to study Holistic Therapies, she LOVES helping people and really wants to help YOU! She gives out her business card to anyone she meets, has no place to work from – yet – and is not quite sure exactly how much to charge, of what to offer, or when to take a day off.
Lucy post on Facebook about her ‘work’ and offers ‘free taster sessions in your own home’ on her public page.
Lucy gets phone calls and private messages all day and night, some quite intrusive and demanding and always has friends asking for freebies. She feels overwhelmed, unsure of herself and wonders why everyone is treating her so badly, when all she wants to do is help people.
Lucy feels like quitting before she’s even begun, but is still paying off her course fees and is swimming in debt.
Truly weak boundaries right there, and you can see that although Lucy has failed to establish any boundaries at all, she actually thinks that ‘other people’ are being mean and the world is a horrible place.
Jane, on the other hand is confident, making a profit and spending her weekends with her family, sees the world as a great place full of opportunities and wakes up everyday with a clear strategy and knows exactly what to do to get the most out of her life.
In any area of your life, it is up to you to declare yourself, where you end and others begin, what is yours and what is not, and to stick to those declarations. Only by fully sharing those boundaries with others can people treat you with respect – after all, if you don’t say ‘here is my line, don’t cross it’ how can you be annoyed when people cross your line? Poor souls had no idea it even existed.
Think about your relationship with your family – one of the hardest to navigate –
- Where could you create a stronger boundary?
- Around your time?
- Around what you are and are not responsible for?
- Do you need to spell out your need for alone time, your desire to have privacy in the bathroom (toddlers I’m looking at you)
- Do you wish to only visit your parents once a month, rather than every Sunday, etc?
If you know you need to re-assess your boundaries but have no idea where to start – working with a coach could be exactly what you need. I believe there is nothing more vital in your self care and working towards your happiness than understanding and creating strong boundaries in your own life.
I offer 1:1 coaching as well as 7 Words Gatherings, where we can practice the words, master our own lives and take back control of our own health and happiness.
Tomorrow we will be looking at IDENTITY and who you really are..
I can’t wait. In the meantime please leave me a comment below and let me know what you think and where you are finding BOUNDARIES an issue in your life.
Love and Light,