In talks with a relatively ‘new’ friend (ie she doesn’t know EVERY LITTLE THING about my life), we discussed the ‘set up’ that my family has. Who my partner is and who I am, within this relationship. And she was staggered! Shocked, even, by the weight we carry and the fact that it is all so very well hidden.
Now, as you will all agree, dealing with your own shit is easy – you just get on with it. In fact, I think that we all deal amazingly well with our own circumstances and usually fail to grasp the severity of a situation…until someone you love and respect points it out to you.
Hence my ‘Wet Kipper’ experience.
As some of you already realise, my partner has a chronic pain issue, caused – physically- by a very bad cycle accident when he was 15. but on top of the broken bones, he has experienced (I won’t say suffered – too victimy) a long list of let downs and disappointments.
Energetically he was traumatised at an early age (he is adopted!!!) and I believe he has carried his patterning of bringing in more trauma and abuse throughout his life.Therefore his continued negative experiences have led him to believe and expect more disappointment…and so it goes on.
Physically this has created massive tension in the body, stiffening muscles, weakening joints and sending constant pain signals to the brain.
As someone who has studied emotional clearance, emotional causes of illness and who believes quite fundamentally that How You Feel is What You Feel, it has been a tricky journey, to say the least.
We are currently experiencing the pushing of all kinds of buttons; from family, friends, DWP, and more, and are prone to major naval gazing, which is not wholly helpful.
At the same time I am working on maintaining my self esteem, my confidence and launch my Communication Coaching Business; I am rehearsing and performing in a Covers Band and taking on even more responsibility within my role as Parent Governor at my children’s Secondary school.
I need to be on top of my game, and, selfishly, I could really do with him being on top of his game also. So that I may enjoy my work, my rehearsal, my meetings. So that I don’t feel guilty for ‘moving forward’ whilst he seems so stuck.
This is a pain I cannot bear, yet to feel free, happy and guiltless, makes me feel….well…guilty! (I know, I know, I have Issues!)
Both my 7 Words training and my recent connection with The Sedona Method are helping me to rationalise, and LET GO of these inappropriate and useless feelings, allowing me to write here today, to trust that it is actually, OK to talk about this stuff. To let down my guard and reveal my belly to you, my dear reader.
For I know, in the depths of my pink, fluffy, hippy heart, that you too, are struggling with this very thing.
You are wondering if its OK to feel happy about your life when that someone else just isn’t.
If its acceptable to plan and focus on what your heart desires, when your nearest and dearest are clueless about their path and want nothing more than to have a good old moan, just like the old days.
But we are in modern times, my friend. We are educated now. We have literally, read the book, attended the seminar, listened to the tapes and, very possibly, bought a T Shirt. We Know Shit!
And we know how amazingly wonderful life really is. How very blessed we are to be alive, right now, right here, in this very spot. And we know that we are changing the world one breath at a time. And it is impossible for us not to.Because that is who we are: The game-changers.
So it is with an open heart and a brave attitude that i go forward. Suggesting and offering all the support I can muster, but at the same time, laying down the gauntlet. It is time he committed to some serious healing. Facing his demons and working through his stiffness. For i know, that deep inside is a wonderful soul, who is gifted and talented and who deserves to live a life WAY bigger than the one he has now.
And I deserve that too. So do my kids.
We all need to live life fully and the start of forever is RIGHT NOW!
As always, please like and share, and feel free to let me know if I have hit a spot using the comments box.