Family Stuff Part 2.

Who knew?

As a result of the earlier  ‘skirmish’ I was at home, cleaning out the snakes, giving them a little sunshine when the Home Phone Rang!

Now, in this era of mobiles, the ringing of the Home Phone can mean one of only two things.

A Sales Call or….Someone is Dead!

Turns out to be almost the latter. My mum, to whom I have not had a conversation since January, tells me that my Dad,( whom I have not talked to for about a year if not more -we are just not the ‘keeping in touch types’ )-  is in Hospital with Pneumonia.

Now my dad is in his late 80’s and has always been the ‘keep myself to myself’ sort. He staunchly believes that the telephone is for ‘Communication not Conversation’ and sees no reason to send cards or mark anniversaries. A bit of a social misfit, my dad, which makes maintaining relationships rather tricky.

I rather suspect if he had been of ‘our’ era, he would have been diagnosed with Autism or at least, Aspergers, but as it is, he is just a stubborn old man, so stubborn it seems, that he failed to let ANYONE know how ill he is.

My mother, incidentally is no longer married to him, they divorced sort-of-amicably in the late 90’s. But they now live in separate ‘flats’ in the same building, sharing lunches, Sunday dinners and shopping excursions. They also continue to keep an eye on each other, and, evidently, keep secrets from each other. They are buddies, who tolerate and care for each other in spite of not really liking each other, if that  makes sense!

So I have had to recall my man, and the car (which was making an awful racket with the fan going ten to the dozen, earlier) and drive to Coventry to visit my dad. Who I hardly know, and who, when we DO talk, discusses planes, trains and automobiles, tells old stories and relates old memories. Talking about ‘US’ and our ‘feelings’ has never EVER entered the equation, so Goddess only knows what the heck I’m gonna talk about when I visit.

My brother (my dads son) will also  be there and I have not even SEEN him for over 20 years. (I was not invited to a couple of recent family funerals so missed the chance to reconnect with extended family…which doesn’t help!)

So, in short its all a bloody mess! I have no idea what I am going to do or say in Coventry, to this sick man who is preparing to leave. I guess I can silently process some energy and healing for him and leave a few Angels to help his transition. But there is no way I can breathe a word of that to him, or mum. It just isn’t their language!

My darling son, is talking sense to me, as usual, as I write this, and encouraging me to be calm and level headed. I love him so dearly, and feel so proud of his nurturing manner.

I now await the return of my car, am contemplating walking the dogs before I leave, and could even do with buying some food, as the cupboards are bare.  I will tear myself away from the safety of my keyboard and venture out into the big wide world.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for listening. Thanks for accepting me into your life for this briefest of moments. It truly is a gift.



One thought on “Family Stuff Part 2.

  1. You know, your father and my father could almost have been siblings! I recognise so much of what you write about one as being present in the other. Oh, and autism? Yes, my daughter is autistic and my son has Asperger Syndrome …. I’m pretty certain that my Dad was Asperger Syndrome but now I know so much more about it, having had two children on The Spectrum. I think the whole concept of ASD was a fairly new idea in the 1970s.


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